hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
