Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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