Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize