I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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