I wanna passion pit in your ass
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
