i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
