Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
