He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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