Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize