Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
