Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
