her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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