he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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