Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize