Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
