So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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