I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If that was your dad, he is hot
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
