Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
