i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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