i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
