So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
