I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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