yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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