It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
