Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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