dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
