grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
