There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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