the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
