I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize