I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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