Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
smell my finger.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
