So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
