I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
