I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
