I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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