Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
