The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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