I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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