Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
