3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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