I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
