Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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