Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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