Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
