I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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