And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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