so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
