...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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