i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize