So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
