Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
