what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
