Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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