We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
