the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize