Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
