I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
