My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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