When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
