Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Soap is not a condiment
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
