i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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