his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
