I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize