the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
