there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize