Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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