Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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