So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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