I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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