I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
