i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize