you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
