either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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