When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
