we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
