I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
