You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
