Me too!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize