# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
