I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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