The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
