I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
