What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
