My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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