Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
