I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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