Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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