I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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