I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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