guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize