Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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