Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
