New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
