More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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