Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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