My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
