I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
