Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
