I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
