I am puke
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
