Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
