She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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